I am not a big fan of drug movies. Never have been. Now, that’s not counting Cheech and Chong movies because that shit is funny whether you’re a stoner or not. But stuff like “Spun” and “Trainspotting” just never appealed to me. Hell, I can’t stand to watch people get shots on television. Why would I watch a movie about heroin addiction?
The Lords of Salem may not be Rob Zombie’s Rosemary’s Baby, but at the very least, it is his The Sentinel, and a far sight better than that movie. It is a masterpiece of apartment horror, stinking of desperation and isolation, while ringing with the eternal themes of fate and destiny.
The release of Brad Paisley and LL Cool J’s song, “Accidental Racist,” has got the Internet buzzing. In the song, Paisley is sadface that he’s thought of as hating black people, just because he wears a Confederate flag on his Lynyrd Skynyrd shirt. LL Cool J shows up at the end of the song to reassure Brad that African-Americans can forgive all that crazy racist nonsense and that it’s their turn to forget the “iron chains.” Oh, it’s a new world after all!
The song is wrong in more than a few ways, but leave it to popular musicians to take an important topic and trivialize it in ways almost too bile-inducing to consider. If you thought “Accidental Racist” was bad, here are five more songs from the past sure to make you cringe and give you funny feelings in your morality holes.
It isn’t that I enjoy it when other people are wrong, unless it’s Scofield, because he picks on me and I am defenseless. Earlier this year, he predicted that Ridley Scott’s Prometheus was not going to be a prequel to Alien and that I was bound for horrific disappointment.
Well, Prometheus is an Alien prequel, sure as shit, and that fact is evident less than half an hour into the bloody thing. Scofield was right about one thing, though. It’s a tremendous disappointment.
It’s the twentieth anniversary of the release of Batman Returns and I don’t know if we’re just not gonna talk about, or if we’re waiting until Christmas, because it’s technically a Christmas movie, just like Gremlins and Die Hard are both Christmas movies. Batman Returns was originally released in June, so fuck the holidays, I guess.
While everyone is jizzing on the Nolan Batman trilogy and shitting on the Schumacher Batman movies which, you know, you should totally shit on those piece of shit movies with their rubber nipples and haunted house black light alleys and body paint and doing laundry with a fucking broomstick or a Kendo stick or whatever the fuck it was. And yes, the Nolan movies are modern masterpieces, with a firm grounding in reality while still maintaining some kind of auteur credibility, even though you’re still making a movie about people in really elaborate fetish outfits with capes and industrial dental dams. So good on you, Chris Nolan, for bringing Batman’s FetLife profile to the big screen.
